You Are My Sight
by jillyred
Summary: A normal teenagers is blighted by illness and works to push through a rare and unknown disease that is plaguing him with the help of his boyfriend, how will he fare in everyday life? GerIta


You Are My Sight

Ludwig blinked.

Nothing.

He blinked again. Nope, he wasn't going to see anything today. The blackness that was now encasing Ludwig used to terrify him, the first few times it happened he had screamed and cried in fear. He had now learnt to deal with it appropriately.

"Feli" He said feeling around the bed for his sleeping boyfriend when he found his body he tried to shake him awake. "Feli, please wake up" He said desperately. Although he had grown accustomed to this darkness he needed his boyfriend to comfort him when it happens initially, he needs the support of his ever patient Feliciano. He heard him groan about five more minutes but Ludwig was becoming a little unsettled much to his own embarrassment. "F-Feli, please" His voice caught and when it did he the body shift quickly next to him.

"You can't see anything can you?" Feli asked groggily. Ludwig shook his head and reached out blindly for his comfort, his rock, his love. His hand met Feli's hand and he pulled him into his arms. Ludwig relaxed against his arms and sighed in relief, now that he had his Feli the darkness didn't feel so dark after all.

"It was so long as well, nearly a month of being able to see"

"My vision was blurred a lot though, but now nothing" Ludwig said sadly, he pulled away from Feli feeling much better and stepped out from the bed. He knew the layout of his home so well; he had had to get to know it for it was times like this he was advised to learn it so efficiently. He left the bedroom, not even using the walls to guide him, he had long since passed doing that, he found the stairs easily and thumped down them. Counting the stairs to make sure he didn't fall or miss a step, then made his way into the kitchen.

Easily finding the glass cupboard and getting a glass of water to quench his thirst. He could now hear the faint steps of his lover walking into the kitchen, his head twisted a little to the sound and he heard Feli chuckle warmly. "It always scares me when you can still hear me even when I am barely making a sound" His arms wrapped around Ludwig's waist, who in turn spun around to capture his little Italian. He thought back to before 'That Day' and realised how much both of them had changed, Ludwig closed his eyes and began to hum a quiet lullaby, rocking his beloved in his arms.

Five years ago Ludwig was an ordinary teenager at the ripe age of eighteen with his whole life ahead of him, he had a good family, close friends and most of all he had his living boyfriend. He had everything. Therefore he had much further to fall, and much more to lose.

That's why the fates seemed to target him.

It was a Tuesday evening and Ludwig was sitting in his front room with his parents and Feli clinging to his side. "Hey mum, I think I might need glasses, the TV. is a little blurry" Ludwig said as he rubbed his eyes trying to rid the fog that pressed on him.

"Oh well your father has always needed glasses so maybe we should get you an opticians appointment" She smiled easily.

"Oh I hope I don't need glasses" He said with exasperation.

"Ve~ I think you would look cute with glasses Luddy!" Feli said excitedly from his side, hugging his arm closer to his chest. Ludwig blushed, his cheeks tainted pink with embarrassment his boyfriend was just too cute. Ludwig coughed a little an turned back to the television they were only watching a rather dreary documentary about how soap was made. Soon however, Ludwig grew tired and when he looked at the form next to him Feli had fallen asleep, he picked up the little Italian and laid him in bed, tugging off his day clothes and replacing with his night garments. Then Ludwig crawled into bed after him. Feli snuggled close Ludwig resting his head on his chest.

"Ve~ Luddy~" He said in contentment and drifted back into a heavy sleep. Ludwig remembered the dream he had that night because it was easy and simple, just him and Feli living in their own house together surrounded by the smells of food and they were dancing to no music. It was beautiful and Ludwig was so happy that he laughed as they danced.

His dream was perfect.

A blood curdling scream woke the entire house of the Diederich residence, Feliaciano was closest and he shot upwards in fright. Tears pricking at his eyes because of how terrified he was. "Mum! Mummy! Oh god Dad!" A voice screamed and cried near him. Feliciano looked at the form near the door. Ludwig. He was fumbling around as though looking for the door knob tears were streaming down his face. His entire body was shaking and he was openly sobbing. "Dad!" He screamed again, he finally found the door and pulled it open. His parents were outside looking disgruntled but incredibly worried, his older brother cursing as he left his room.

"Luddy? What's wrong?" Feli asked as he came closer to Ludwig's shaking form.

"Mum! I can't see! I can't see anything! Oh my god I can't see. Nothing it's all black. Mummy help me!" He was shouting and crying again, reaching around blindly for somebody, Feli rushed to his side and held onto him. Ludwig hugged him tightly and Feli could feel his hysterical sobs racking through his body.

"Ludwig what do you mean you can't see?" Gilbert asked with a horrified expression on his face. Ludwig's legs faltered and he fell pulling Feli to the ground with him. His could no longer even speak through his sobs; his body was jerking and shaking so much. He was hysterical and nothing was helping him. Ludwig began to cough and hack, his body urging and retching from the force of his sobbing. Gilbert ran to the bathroom and grabbed the bin pushing it under Ludwig's face. He reached blindly and found it, retching his bodily contents into the bin, although only a thin watery substance seemed to come out.

"I'm calling the hospital" His mother said from somewhere near him.

"Mummy" Ludwig whined and whimpered. Never before had he felt so helpless and so alone, long had he called his mother like that but right now he was so terrified that it was all he could do from not running around in horror. Ludwig felt a hand on his back that rubbed circles on his back to try and comfort him.

"It's alright Ludwig, were gonna take you straight to the hospital. Can you not see anything at all?" His father was asking, his voice sounded gruff and tight. Ludwig sobbed once more and shook his head.

"I-I just-just woke up and-and-" He burst into tears again and Feli gripped him tighter trying to be brave. However, inside Feli wasn't quite so calm. He was worried so much for his boyfriend that he was now crying in earnest for him, his body was shaking at the sight of his love. Never once had he seen Ludwig cry, he was so strong, he was his rock. Ludwig was the stronger one in the relationship, but now he looked so vulnerable and weak. It terrified Feli to the core and he didn't know what to do.

They helped to dress the trembling Ludwig leading him everywhere, telling him where and when to step making sure he didn't hurt himself. The whole family was mostly shocked into complete silence completely unsure as to how to treat him, feeling completely powerless. All the while Ludwig whimpered and wept, every now and again he would seem to realise the reality of his situation and cry out loud rib shaking sobs, calling for his parents and Feli when he felt too alone, when he felt too isolated.

They eventually got him into the car and helped him to do up his seatbelt and all made their way to the hospital, shakily and completely terrified. The noises in the hospital made Ludwig skittish, things came to close to him without him realising it, and there were noises he didn't know about. Everything was alien, the only reassurance he got was from the tight hand gripping him on his left and right, who he believed to be Feli and his father. He knew Gilbert and his mother were here somewhere but without his sight he was helpless as to know where.

Ludwig wasn't afraid of the dark. Until now. He was utterly petrified of this never ending blackness that had taken hold of his eyes, he couldn't even see light and it made him whimper again. "Shh Luddy, its okay baby" His mother said softly.

"It is not okay, I can't fucking see!" He shouted with a cry. A soft hand stroked him and hummed a soothing song in his ear, they stopped suddenly and it made Ludwig nervous. He heard his parents talking to doctors and then he was lead away again, soon he was pushed into a seat. It was much quieter in this room and now he could distinctly hear the sounds of his parents talking to the doctor. Feli continued to hum that soothing song in his ear, rocking him slowly trying to calm his furiously beating heart.

"Ok then Ludwig" A voice said from near to his face, Ludwig jumped in response and clung to Feli next to him.

"Sorry now I am going to run a few tests for now okay?" He asked and Ludwig nodded his head. "Okay can you see that?" He asked. Ludwig only saw the blackness of his eyes.

"No" Ludwig said and let more tears fall down his cheek. "Nothing, there is nothing"

"Okay, right now Ludwig I am going to take some blood test from your" He paused slightly. "Your left arm, I will tell you just before it goes in, it is really important you hold still. I will use your sense of touch to guide you okay?" He asked sympathetically. Ludwig nodded.

The day was long and dark. For everybody.

Ludwig and Feli fell asleep in the waiting room seats, apparently now they were waiting for an MRI, and they wanted to speed up the process. Ludwig therefore had to stay in the hospital; soon he would be fitted into a gown and put into a room. It sounded as though Ludwig would be here for a while.

It was another day before they could fit him into an appointment and it terrified Ludwig to be apart from his family. Without his sight he began to realise just how utterly hopeless he was without his sight. Always taking such a thing for granted now he realised how much he needed to depend on his family and his boyfriend.

Inconclusive.

All the blood tests taken, MRI's he had, swabs taken, so many painful surgeries and exploratory procedures and they don't know anything. Over a month of complete and utter blindness and Ludwig was still stuck in the hellhole of this disability. He still cried every night and the nightmares haunted his sleeping hours, he could get no peace. His friends and family stood close to him supporting him all the time even when he cried every time the doctors could fine nothing wrong with his eyes. They eventually came to the conclusion that it was something to do with his brain, something that they couldn't see. So that meant to do with his thoughts processes, and the inner working of the brain itself. Something that couldn't easily be fixed.

Ludwig was blind indefinitely.

Except he wasn't. He woke up to another day nearly half a year since he lost his sight and he could see. Completely clearly. "Feli! I can see!" he had shouted, he laughed so much and hugged the little Italian so tightly he nearly suffocated the poor dear. Ludwig was laughing so uproariously and Feli just felt dazed after being woken so earl from his sleep. Ludwig dropped Feli and ran from the room screaming through the house at his parents and his brother. Feli chased Ludwig with a huge smile on his face and finally caught up with him in the kitchen and launched himself at Ludwig.

"Ve~ Luddy!" He said ecstatically. Ludwig looked down at Feli's lit face and smiled such a content smile it made Feli's heart flutter. He placed his hand on Feli's face and he was lost in his beauty, stroking away the hairs that had become dislodged during sleep sweeping his hand over the perfection he was gazing at.

"You're so beautiful Feli. I have missed seeing you so much" He whispered quietly. "I want to look at you for as long as I can" He spoke so softly and with a voice so full of fear that it made Feli's heart clench.

"I'm not going anywhere ve~" He said with a smile. Then Feli closed the intimate gap between them and kissed Ludwig's soft and caressing lips, keeping their eyes wide open. They wanted to savour every moment that Ludwig had his sight, the thought of closing their eyes was lost on them.

"I am so happy I can see you" He whispered to his little Italian. He giggled and kissed both of Ludwig's cheeks happily.

"Ve~ I know we should probably go to the doctors but why would you want to spend your first day with sight in that old place. Let's go to the cinema, go and do things we couldn't before" Feli said excitedly. They spent the entire day completely wrapped up in each other, not caring about anything but themselves and the sight that Ludwig had gained. He saw everything in a new light and it made him appreciate it while he had it. Even after the third day as his eyes became cloudy at least he had light in his eyes and not just a cold blackness.

The first time his sight was returned to him after he lost it, it was there for three months, although sometimes all he could make out were shapes but he could at least see for the entirety of three months. Then when the blackness came around again Ludwig woke with a whimper and a cry. But with Feli lying next to him, softly humming a lullaby Ludwig knew that it would be okay.

The doctors eventually came to the conclusion that Ludwig's brain thought that there was a pressure on it, much like a tumour. Even though there was nothing there at all, nothing threatening his brain seemed to think there was and that is what caused the vision impairment. Ludwig's vision was indeterminate, some days he could see completely clearly and others absolutely nothing, but others he could see shapes and light, it was hardly a manageable disease therefore Ludwig wasn't able to find work easily.

Eventually Ludwig settled to becoming a writer and he told the world about his temperamental sight, the days in which he woke up in darkness and the longing to see his love's face. Ludwig always though Feli was beautiful but after losing his vision he only learnt to appreciate it more, the very faint line of freckles over his nose, about twenty to be exact, the tiny dimples when he smiled, the sparkles in his eyes whenever Ludwig said 'I love you'. Each moment of sight was precious, any second wasted while his sight was returned he always regretted.

Ludwig remembers the simple moments when he and Feli sat watching a movie and their hands touch in the popcorn bowl, Ludwig blushing furiously. Feli giggling and throwing some popcorn at his face. A tickle fight breaks out. Moments like these are precious. They fight though each day together and sure like every other couple they fight and fall out but at the end of the day they are there for each other. Always there to have and to hold. Through sickness and health. Till death do they part.

"What shall we do today Feli, knowing I can't see?" Ludwig asks his lover softly.

"Ve~ Let's go to the cinema" He responded.

"That's not fair" Ludwig grumbled. He felt a hand on his face as he was turned to face the man below him and soft lips met his, he sighed with happiness.

"Fine we'll go as long as I can take a book to read" Ludwig said softly.

"Ve~ Okay! Now what do you want?" Feli asked leaving Ludwig standing alone in the kitchen. Then he heard the footsteps returning and Ludwig twisted his head to face them. "I forgot to say Luddy" His voice said excitedly.

"And what is that?" He responded with a gruff voice.

"I love you" Ludwig could feel his face heat in embarrassment, how can he be so comfortable with himself and Ludwig still blushed when things like that were said. With those three words Ludwig found himself vulnerable and weak, but as Feli's arms wound around his neck and his lips delicately touched his lips he realised why he wanted to be vulnerable. Being completely vulnerable with one person is the best feeling in the world, it's exhilarating, terrifying, enraging and makes you happier than you have ever been in the entire world. Happier than you ever thought you could be.

"I love you too beautiful"


End file.
